Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
