mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
