She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
