I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
