i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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