i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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