Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
