I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
