call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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