We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
