kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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