she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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