If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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