i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize