I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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