lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
