I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
