Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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