To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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