if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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