every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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