I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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