she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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