Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
