It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
