They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
His nipple licking is glorious
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