sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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