I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We were destined to go to rehab together
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
