i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
