I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
