Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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