You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
