here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
