if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
she was so not down for the gang bang
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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