All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just forgot I was standing up.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
