shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
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