She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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