I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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