How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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