So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
