So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
