Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just high enough for therapy.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
