Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
