recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
