Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
