She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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