i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
