I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
