I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just blew my weed a kiss
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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