Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I could fuck to npr.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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