'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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