Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
