please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
