I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
