there's paper in my vomit.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
