I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
