DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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