wrigley field is MILF paradise
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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