I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
