You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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