I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize