If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
