I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
