my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
