no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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