My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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