We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
