i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
