VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
