I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
be right there i have to get my cape
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
