Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
we made out on top of his cat.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
