so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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