Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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